[Stephanie's feeling:] exhausted  - confused  - sad 

So many ways to say "Goodbye". So many reasons for saying it. Sometimes by choice. Sometimes by force. Sometimes easily. Sometimes with aching heart. We include a few of those many reasons and ways.

In life,
I learnt a lot of lessons from you
From being a good friend to being who i am
Understood all you taught except for one:
That is the lesson on letting go of someone

In life,
I crossed paths with millions of people
But amidst the ocean
You outshone them all
You're the light guiding my every step
Making it hard for me to let you go

In life,
I bade farewell to thousands of people
Say goodbye to millions of memories
But your presence have made such an impact in my life
Its hard to let you and and my memories of you go

In life,
I shed a great many tears
Suffered many deep sorrows
But the biggest teardrop running down my cheeks
And the greatest sorrow i've ever felt
Was when i had to let go of someone special...
Someone like you...

" I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me,if you are like me, wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you. I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is! You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don't really know for sure but 'I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes'. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you.

In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my LOVE.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love. And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a -DREAM- but a REALITY and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the ~pain~ and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very .thankful. because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me. "

                                                         *SIGH*
                                                     

i crush.i like.i love.which one could it be.or.which one will it be out of the three.ahhhhahahaha gay!.or it could be a sequence.obviously it will be when i reach the 3rd one.the thing is i can't even get to the first one.or i can't even admit it to myself.i feel it.and i know,deep inside, it's there.it feels good.you make me smile.maybe i've passed the first one.maybe i'm on to the next .it's scary coz it might keep going 'till it reaches the 3rd one.but that's not even the point.

why can't i just admit it.why can't i just say i'm crushing without taking it back after 3 seconds.why can't i accept the fact that i do feel something .why am i so scared that eventually, in the future, maybe, it will reach the last one.if this is His(God's) plan.then i shouldn't be scared to feel it.to take the risk.learn from it.use what i'll learn in the future.let Him(God) prepare me for the right one. STOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPP  whUUUuuuut?!! crazy.enough.i don't want to say any more!

Stephanie says " GIRL I KNOW HOW YOUR FEELING!! *sigh* "